kleigh's Cancer Blog
January 5, 2007
| I Need More Than Senerity!! | Views: 441 |
I’m sooo glad that today is Friday!
Please let me know if this has happened to anyone else!
“God…
Grant me the senerity to
Accept the things I cannot change
The things I can &
the wisdom to know the difference”
Okay…now I don’t complain…quite the opposite…I have the patience of Jobe, and probably allow more than I should.
But…....I’ve had a gut full in the past few weeks
Does anyone else get tired of hearing…
“Don’t worry about it…and just get well”...?
How can we not worry…about our family, our future, our jobs…etc. For many of us…it’s always on our minds…either conciously, or subconciously.
A rumor was started where I work, just after I was diagnosed, that I wouldn’t survive.
I have really strived to have a good positive attitude, and to do “what it takes” to get well. I was initally out on STD for 7 weeks…and wanted to get back to work just a quickly as possible…imagine this…I missed my job!
Needless to say, when I returned, not only had I been moved to a back office, but my job duties changed as well, really changed! People that I work/worked closely with, all of a sudden were distant, afraid, or they just didn’t know what to say…and of course…no one asked me if it was true, they were to afraid! Geezzz this stuff isn’t contagious… Want the truth…go to the source! After a few weeks, I finally got the message across that I wasn’t “terminal”, but everything is so different now. I was told, “think of it as a vacation from your job” HA HA…then only to find out that my position is being done away with! OMG My insurance with with this company…my husband and I elected to that my insurance over his.
It’s bad enough to be at deaths door, to pull through it, being stripped of your womanhood, and still hold your head high, and be an advocate to inform women of this beast, having your parent die 2 months later, only then to find out that the culpret of the rumor was a co/worker/ supervisor, who had come to see me the day of my release from the hospital…not to mention as I was just coming back to my room from surgery to have my port-a-cath put in place. I asked him how things were at the office, he told me that everything was fine and “not to worry about anything…just get well” He knew then that my position being done away with…
It’s hard enough looking for a new position within my company, when you are about 10 to 20 pounds underweight, either wear a baseball cap, or hat, and you are just getting back into the swing of things…and still going through chemo. I dread looking for a job elsewhere…as it’s going to be the same thing…and the worse part will be going without insurance! THIS SUCKS!
I just needed to vent..sorry
03.10.07 - 
Thanks for your support -
Karen – I can relate to your post. When I told the company I was working with that I had cancer, ONE person said I wish you the best or something or other. Th other coworkers didn’t say anything to me. I couldn’t believe it. Needless to say I quit that job and went back to a company that treated me like family and cared about me as a person not just an employee. I think people just don’t know what to do.
I told one person I was afraid of the cancer coming back and they said at least you will know what to expect this time around. Can you believe that! That was my favorite comment. Sorry I should be giving you some positive advice, but yet after reading your post I just feel like venting too. Thanks for sharing.
Jill..
I’m glad that you did vent! I feel like I’m human here…like I used to be before…
Like we’ve seen and heard in the past, it’s not good to keep things bottled up inside…
I understand where you are coming from too…but there isn’t a past job for me to go back to…just moved here almost 5 years ago, and I’ve been at this company since we moved.
What makes matters worse, is that my sister lives not more than 20 miles away, and she is so wrapped up in her life and family that I don’t even hear from her! She told my mom that when she talks to me, and asks me how I’m doing, that I should tell her how I’m really doing instead of saying “I’m doing okay” or “I’m fine”. So what asm I supposed to say?! I feel like crap, and I don’t want to be asked how I’m doing all the time!?
Well…..I think like this…if you feel like crap…and you want to feel better…I would rather think positive thoughts than negative ones…mind over matter!
That’s how I’ve made it so far…I just REFUSE to give up!
Okay…so I guess I needed to vent just a bit more too!
I have a tendency to keep things bottled up. I am now done with treatment and in the process of trying to create my new normal. But I have already decided that if the cancer comes back I will not tell that many of my friends. I had such a negative experience with it all and the way people reacted to me. I would tell my close family and friends and that is it. That is one reason why I like this system. You can vent, cry, rejoice here and people get it.
Karen I feel the same way I feel like noone wants me to talk about my experience anymore. I was soo focused on getting through the chemo treatments and starting a family only to get the rug pulled out from under me .We are hopfully going to start the infertility process in march .I think only then Can I move on right now I am still pretty angry. I think I was the most disapointed with my families reaction to my diagnosis than anything because they just ignored it and noone wants to talk about it now!
I think the people that interacted wiht me daily were afraid to talk to me because they didnt know if I was dying or what .I just wish people would have asked intead of stared! Luckily with the company that I work for they were more like a family to me than my blood relatives.
I can understand not wanting to talk to people when you feel like crap. My father would call and I would not answer because the answer would be the same i feel like crap ! sometimes all you want is for someone to hold your hand or give a hug and just sit with you I wish I would have been more vocal about what I neede from My family and friends .
Sorry I am just venting as well.
Kara
Guys…
It’s okay to vent…the majority of us keep it all bottled up…if we are to heal…this is a healthy way to do it.
I’m just glad that I’m not the only one seeing this…I thought I was going nutty!
It seems even though the types of cancer are different…just the mere mention of the word, the looks are all the same.
I had purchased a couple of baseball caps in Sept. that said “Cancer Sucks” on it, and wore it with a dress to an upscale restaurant, to meet a friend of mine for lunch. Every person that I passed looked at the cap, no one stared.
This was one of perhaps, the few times that I could be comfortable meeting a friend for lunch…and I was treated like I was normal. Maybe it was a bold move on my part…but I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I had cancer, or have I ever asked to be treated any differently. I’m not afraid to talk about my disease, or to advocate to anyone, if you are having problems, please get checked…to push for any test(s).
Now with the passing of Johanna’s Law…maybe there will be more recognition and research done.
The NOCC (National Ovarian Cancer Coalition) www.ovarian.org uses the following phrase:
“It whispers…so listen”
Soooooo True!
They have jelly wrist bands in teal, with the phrase on them, and car magnets for sale.
I purchased quite a few of them, and gave them to other patients, close friends…my Dr. and my nurses. I want/need to purchase more…my daughers are asking for some too!
I want to dedicate more time to this…as it’s such a silent killer.
I am sorry that this happend to you. The one thing that i can say is that people who dont experince this first hand dont understand. When cheyenne first got sick i had two very dear and close friends. We saw them and there kids three or four times a week and had bbq’s on the weekends with the family. Cheyenne and the girls grew up with her kids till that day. she came to see us two days after the news at the hospital and i havent seen or spoken to her since. my guess is she couldnt handle it or didnt want to put the effort in to it. i learned to just let the comments pass and the looks pass, no matter what you have to fight and be strong for you, you dont have the extra energy to put forth for those who cant grasp what has happend in your world! loves
corey and cheyenne
I understand about the “just don’t worry about it so much” crap. Hello?
? Faced with death here! I’m sorry about all of the crap you’re place of work is putting you through. I can’t imagine. I think people are really just scared and don’t know how to deal with this stuff. i think people want to keep a distance from cancer for fear that if they think about it they’ll get it! I try to be patient with people and educate them as much as possible. I remember one friend who said that I must be really immune to infections going though chemo because of all the antibiotics they have me on. What?
When we all know in reality our immunity is very weakened. Another close friend was concerned when his girlfriend, my sister-in-law, was coming with me to a chemo app. He feared that the radioactivity of the chemotherapy would affect her. What?
Could you imagine them injecting us all with radioactive drugs? We’d walk out of there glowing! Just shows how little people really understand. I just calmly explain how it works in the real world and walk away rolling my eyes.
Stay strong!
Well…while I’m still looking for my serenity…I have taken action…what my company did to me isn’t right by any stretch…quite the opposite…it’s ILLEGAL! I’m needing all the prayers that I can get, to see me through this one! It’s bad enough to put them to the test, but to walk in there every day with your head held high…just praying that no one talks about you more!
Here’s to hope!